Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Boobs speak an international language.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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