when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
