Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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