Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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