he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
