We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
