guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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