i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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