Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
