i don't like sucking hair
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I touched a dick in church today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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