She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
