do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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