Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
