We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
