i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
