I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
