I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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