Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
