Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
