oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
