Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
