but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
