Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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