i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
