i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
