after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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