You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
