Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
