i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
