she looked like the before picture.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
