my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
