He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
