oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
