Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
