The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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