he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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