i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
