We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
