the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bring me that man meat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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