It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
