suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
