Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
