I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
