I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
