i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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