would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
