I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
