if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
