she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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