I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
