once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
